Guess what? I'm done training! Today is my very first day as a non trainee.
Guess what else? I got a call from my President yesterday... and I am now a trainer! Now, who thought that was a good idea, we can't really be sure. But ready or not, here it comes.
The good thing about this whole situation is that I get to go to Pittsburgh tonight. Road trip!
The bad thing about this is that they've asked me to train someone, and we all know how much of a struggler I am.
I am just a little bit nervous, that's all.
After we got the call, all I felt was excitement. But then somehow fear managed to creep it's way in and that was no bueno. I started getting really scared. "I can't be in charge of an area. I can't train a missionary. I'm not good enough for this job."
Satan is very good at what he does.
Luckily I have one of the best district leaders in the whole world. Seriously Elder George just blows my mind with his quiet example of Christlike leadership. We were at a dinner appointment with a family in our ward and the Elders were giving the dinner thought. Elder George started sharing 2 Nephi 8:12 and something just stuck out so powerfully: "Who art thou that thou shouldst be afraid?"
It hit me like a train.
Elder George shared about what impressed him from this passage of scripture was the phrase "Who art thou?" because he knew the answer was, "I am a child of God."
We have so much potential to become so much more than we are right now if we will just have faith in Him and His Son. I know that. I know that if I just put my faith in Him, I can be a great trainer and that I can help this new Sister to be a great missionary. He trusts me and I will not let him down!
So... This week was a little rough because Pennsylvania is weird. Different towns celebrate Halloween on different days. Lebanon had trick or treating on the 30th. But it was a mission rule that we had to be in by 6 on the 30th and the 31st. I was so bummed! It was really hard, because you just really want to be out proselyting!
Luckily, we were able to get a lot done around the apartment. It's very very clean. 
I bet the new Sister will appreciate that.
In other news, Hermana Tolman said goodbye to everyone this week. Saying goodbye to Samantha and Matt was especially powerful. They have come so far already in the past six weeks. They came to church last Sunday and were also able to make it to the ward trunk or treat on Wednesday. The boys had a great time and Matt was even able to remember and make friends with some of the members. We swung by their house one morning to snatch a picture with them and they were on their way out the door.
Matt was finally able to see his kids for the first time in a really long time. His ex wife is kind of... mean? And doesn't want him to see his kids. So that has been hard for him. But he told us, "You guys are starting to freak me out. I read the book and I come to church and I finally get to see my kids."
They told us about how their families are both freaking out that they've been investigating the mormon church, but they don't care. They love it. They looked at us and said, "thank you for finding us." and I got warm chills all up and down my body. It was so powerful. I almost started bawling haha.
I know that there are people out here that are looking for what we have.
Another family that was hard for Hermana Tolman to say goodbye to was Xiomara and Ismar's family. Xiomara, Yolanda, Waleska and Angel all brought presents for Hermana Tolman to tell her how much they love her. We went over for dinner and a lesson and we spent time with Ismar and Ismael playing "don't let the balloon touch the floor". It was so funny. We were laughing so hard. Then, we were taking pictures and saying goodbye and Xiomara was just so emotional. I mean, I wasn't even saying goodbye and I got emotional. So we were all messes. We love them so much.
We've been working this week with one of our less actives named Mervin. He's the coolest person ever. We love him. But he likes his beer, and we've been trying to help him with that. He says that he can't sleep unless he drinks at night. So here's the deal I made with him.
I've been struggling a lot lately to have the energy to get up right at 6:30 and do cardio like a good missionary is supposed to do. It's hard. I don't like be energetic that early. Frankly, I think it should be illegal. 
But I knew that something needed to change because unless I was willing to get up and exercise, I was not being a 100% obedient missionary.
So I made a deal with Mervin that if he cut back on his drinking, I would wake up at 6:30 every single day and do cardio.
Haha, he agreed to that. He laughed and said, "Just think about how bad you'll feel when you come back next time and you haven't done it." and I told him, "You underestimate me. You keep your end of the deal and I'll keep mine."
And I have done it every day so far! So we'll see next week how Mervin has been doing.
I would seriously do anything for these people though. I love them so much. The ward, the investigators... these people are my family. They're incredible. I've never felt so powerfully the willingness to sacrifice anything and everything for anyone ever before in my life... It's crazy how the love of Christ just comes into your heart and radiates out of you. It's kind of a nice feeling.
When I first got out on a mission, I asked Hermana Tolman what the best thing about serving a mission was, and what the worst thing was. Because really, I didn't know.
I think I know now, though. It's that love. It's the best and it's the worst! It's the best because you get so close to the people and you do so much for them and you are able to build these lasting relationships that are priceless. But it's the worst because I am not good at goodbyes. Tomorrow, half of our district is leaving... and really, half of our zone. In a few transfers, I will leave this area and then I'll go to a new one and then I'll leave that area and go somewhere else... and all along the way there will be these heart-wrenching goodbyes! and Ihate goodbyes! Haha. They're so rough.
But in the wise words of Tara Lynne Wells; "If you're comfortable somewhere, you can't do any growing!"
How true that is.
So I'm hoping that's all these tears are this week...
Growing pains.
I guess we shall see...
-Hermana Bills
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